Where We End
by Tigger-Bonet
Summary: Sometimes, words can be as irrational as feelings. The consequences of either can be immeasurable. KevEdd multichap. WARNING: MENTIONS OF ABUSE.
1. Chapter 1

The rain fell in sheets, blanketing the warm ground. I stood standing in the middle of the small field in the back of my house. Unfortunately, this would be the last time I saw it. The sodden ground felt gushy in between my toes; it was almost comforting in a way. After all the trouble I had caused, even the earth was encouraging me to right my wrongs. Leaning my head back, I took in the summer downpour surrounding me. The rain coated everything, including me, in a slick shining blanket of liquid protection, almost like a wet caress. The colors and smells of the land were intensified and truly majestic to behold. But alas, I had already had all the time in the world to sightsee. It was time to redeem myself. Making my way across the yeiding ground, I sauntered off towards the small stream running across the back end of the field. That was were I would end it. Sighing openly, I thought of the one person I would be regrettingly leaving behind. Unfortunately, after all the ruckus I was responsible for, I doubted he would actually miss me. He didn't seem to feel empathetic towards me now, so why would he after I removed myself from his life. After all, this was his idea anyway. Thinking back, I recalled that last large fight. Never had I known such hurt as the person I wanted to consider closest to me confirmed that they wished I was dead. Never had I thought there could be so much turmoil between us. My heart hurt just thinking about it.

Finally, I reached the now swollen river. Releasing another sigh, I stood still to watch the water and take in the sight of what I had decided was my fate. The normally crystal blue water had transformed into a sludgy maelstrom of brown. Along the banks, the soil had begun to erode and looked almost like flesh rotting away on a corpse. The whole scene held an uglineess that was at once both beautiful and bordered on disgusting. A large willow tree sat on the bank, tenderly dipping it's branches almost lovingly into the unsettling water. It's roots carefully meandered down the riverbank quite delicately and carefully created a cage that I decided would be my final resting place. Looking around, I spotted some large rocks on the ground nearby. I loaded as many as I could into my pockets for extra weight. the ran began to pelt the ground now, intensifying unimaginably. Now was the time for action. After i loaded my pockets with my rough hewn weights, I grabbed one more large rock and climbed down into the cage of roots. Now all I had to do was sit and wait for the water to rise. Placing my small boulder in my lap, I got comfortable and observed the froth on the water as the river quickly rose over my legs. Inbetween the foam on the water swirling around and the sudden shock of the coldness of the water, I didn't realize that the rain had begun to pelt down harder. Strangely, the melancholy beauty of the scene chased away any of the fear I figured I would feel. It was almost as if was at peace. The water was about at my waist now, and my legs were beginning to go numb from all of the weight in my lap. The rain beat out a steady pattern against the surface of the river that took my mind off of everything. So, I just sat, cradled by the earth and serenaded by the rain and watched the river rise.


	2. Chapter 2

One drop. Two drops. It was about to rain. As the car roared to life, all I could think about was how stupid I had been. The poor dork probably hated me now. Driving the car up the road, I replayed our fight in my head. It was all pretty silly actually. I merged onto the highway and with a loud clap, thunder shook the clouds. All hell was about to break loose.

I had been keeping a journal lately because my therapist thought it might help. Not thinking, I left it lying in our bedside dresser while I went to the gym. My workout was smooth, and I felt great afterwards. Coming home, I was being quiet, hoping to surprise the love of my life and hopefully get a little early evening sex. Edd and I hadn't really had much time to spend together lately, he was engrossed in a major project at the company he worked for and I had been busy with my myriad of projects and starting up a new automotive appraisal website. Our interaction had been limited to rushed breakfasts and chaste goodnight kisses and dammit I missed him. I came into our bedroom and there he was, on our bed surrounded by pillows, and reading my journal! He looked up and me with wide terrified eyes and murmured, "I had no idea, Kevin. Why did you never tell me your father was abusing you?" To say I was stunned was a complete understatement. I had never told him to avoid him thinking of me the exact way I know he was now, like I wasn't the man he thought he knew me to be. Back when we were in high school, my old man discovered he had a serious love for the bottle and on more than a few nights, he took out his frustrations on me. The bruises weren't hard to cover up back then, and when I started falling for Edd, he made me forget all about the hell that was my home. When the bastard decided that the random whores he would bring home weren't enough for him, it became a little harder to disguise. Sure I could play it off to my teammates as pulled muscles, but Edd was too inquisitive for that. He'd have seen the sores around my ass sooner or later. I felt horrible about having to hide it from him but it was for the best. The makeup covered the bruises and black eyes, but I had no clue how to keep the bruises around my genitals from him. So we never moved past kissing at first. When the beatings and sexual assault got worse, I transferred schools. I still came back to Peach Creek to see Edd on weekends, and even got to whisk him away to the city with me on occaision. My father still foud his way to me, and nothing really changed, but now I had a reason not to give up. Edd was my salvation. If I didn't have him, I'd have never made it. I believe that wholeheartedly. At the time, it seemed the best decision to not to talk about it. Then college came around and I never went home, not even when the monster drank himself to death in my junior year. Edd and I finally had sex that year. After all that,I held on to my new life with Edd and everything stabilized. But we graduated a year ago, and things have just been getting harder. A part of me got really dark for a while and Edd, being who he was, stayed by my side through it all. Even though I kept my secret from him all that time and was being dealing with the emotional repercussions, I just knew it was the best choice. I got really emotional and aggressive for a while. Some days, I was violent for what seemed like no reason. I just couldn't keep all that rage and despair bottled in anymore. I had started drinking heavily and it was affecting our relationship. Edd had no clue what I was dealing with, so I decided to see a therapist in my free time. Nat actually was the one who referred me to him. Turns out the guy was there family therapist. Who would've thought well-to-do families even had time for problems with that that money lying around.

I didn't mean to blow up at Edd like that, I promise. I just didn't know what to do. He invaded my privacy and for him to find out that, of all things, just really messed me up. I ran over and snatched the journal away from him, tearing some of the pages. I didn't care. "I'm so sorry," he said. Of all the emotions he could muster, pity was the one he went with. That made me even madder. "What the fuck did you think you were doing asshole," I screamed. He flinched. Before I knew it, I pulled back my arm and slapped him. It didn't even register to me what I had done. Edd looked shocked, hurt, and confused. He began to cry but I could have cared less in that moment. "Kevin, why didn't you ever tell me," he pleaded. "After everything that we have been through, you neglected to think that I cared enough to tell me what he was doing to you," he continued. From somewhere, tears bubbled up in my eyes but I wouldn't let them fall. I could never let anyone see me break down. "Right now," I spat at him,"I hate you. I don't need you judging me for things that were out of my control. And don't deny it because I know you are." I slapped him again, knocking him off the bed. Edd sat on the floor stunned with tears flowing freely down his face. "Kevin," he blubbered, "I love you so much and would have never stood by idly if I had known all this was going on. What he did to you was absolutely horrible and no one should have had to endure anything close to the sort. I promise I am not judging you, I just wish I had known." He got up off the floor and made a move as if to comfort me but I was having none of it. I couldn't feel anything but hurt that he had been so nosey, and exposed now that he knew. Overall, it made me feel weak. All that time, I had wanted nothing but to make sure Edd had never known about what I was going through. He was going through so much already with his parents barely being there, his depression, his habit of cutting himself and his numbskull friends always getting him attacked at school because of their stupid schemes. I had wanted to protect him from it all, and make him realize that fantasies like knghts in shining armor really did exist. His happiness was the only thing that mattered. Now that he knew I wasn't a fairy tale, I was sure that he wouldn't want me anymore. Something about that thoughtI just couldn't handle. "You know what," I whispered to him,"I think maybe we shouldn't be together anymore. You deserve someone who's complete and that's not me. I never wanted it to come to this but I see no other option. If you don't believe that I'm strong then I've lost everything. It might be best if we seperate." Edd didn't move; not even the slightest twitch. He stood still for a few minutes and then said, "I would never intentionally hurt you Kevin, you know that. My curiosity just got the better of , I love you with every fiber of my being, whether you are perfect or not. No matter wat, you will still be perfection in my eyes because you came along when I felt like I had no one and made me your entire world and brightened up mine in the process. You should me that love is something to be celebrated and not resented. But I really can do nothing to help or even support you if you do not wish it. I never meant to be such a burden on you. If breaking up is really what you want, then I have no choice but to oblige you." His tears blurred his words and I watched him fall apart slowly right in front of me. I couldn't bring myself to care. There were absolutely no positive feelings in me at that moment for the man that I wanted nothing more than to spend my life with. "You know", I told him, "sometimes back when we were younger, I would stay up late and watch you sleep. I would feel so jealous of you. You got to be able to have so much peace in the middle of your storms. I hated you for it a few times. I even wished you were dead once. Not out of spite, but because even though I could give you that peace you so longingly searched for, I couldn't even find a shred of it for myself. SO I did what was best for me. I did what I had to do to stay sane. Keeping you in the dark kept me whole, in a twisted little way. Ultimately Edd, some burdens can't be shared. Get the fuck out."


	3. Chapter 3

And now, here I am, driving into the rain, heading back to Peach Creek to find him. I know he went back because Eddy and Ed are there. After every major event in any of their lives, they always meet up. So I figure he's with one of the two. If everthere was a time I wanted to have either of their numbers, it's now. The rain begins to pick up as the car glides down the highway. The road is dangerous and foreboding, like I regrettably was with Edd earlier. All I can think about is how to apologize. I don't even know if he'll understand why I'm apologizing. Damn, I've royally fucked up. The best thing in my life may be over now because of my idiot mental state. My emotions have never really been my best selling point, but now I don't know how to feel. I just want Edd back. There are no cars on the highway and it feels like time itself could stop at any moment. There's nothing but the dull roar of all this endless rain. It's almost like the sky is crying for me, because I still can't seem to.

I finally reach Peach Creek and head straight for Eddy's house. Everyone has moved since we were kids, so I bypass our old culdesac and go a few streets over. As I ride by, I can see my old house is still standing and there's even a car in the driveway. I pull up at Eddy's but don't see Edd's car. "He must not be here," i think to myself, "which means he's at Ed's." Ed has an apartment in downtown Peach Creek which is in the opposite direction. I don't mind all the endless driving though, because I just really need to see Edd. Making things right between us is my only goal. On the short drive, I think about what I'll say. "I'm sorry doesn't quite cut it this time Genius," I tell myself out loud. Why do I have to be such an idiot anyway? None of the words that flow through my head quite seem to fit the situation. The blow through my mind as fast as the streetlights I'm passing under. Before I know it, downtown Peach Creek sprouts up around me. Peach Creek never really grew much so it's still got this homely small town feel to it. Normally, I seethe at the sight of it and all the memories it holds, but right now, I'd gladly relive every single one of them if it meant I could take the events of tonight back. Throwing the car into park in front of Ed's apartment building, I take a second and collect my thoughts. It's now or never. I run into the lobby and search through the call box for Ed's apartment number. After buzzing him twice, I don't get any answer at all. "Must not be home," I say to myself. Just for good measure, I buzz him 6 more times. When he still doesn't answer, I realize the guy must truly not be there. But if he isn't there, then where could Edd be? After a moment, it dawns on me. Edd's parents still own the old house he lived in, even though they moved about a year ago. They figured it would be a nice gesture to give it their only son, despite the fact that we live together. Edd has it cleaned every week and when he needs a break or wants to get away, he goes there. I really hope he's here now, even though he probably won't let me past the front door. So once again, I get back in the car and head across town.

Pulling up on our childhood street makes me feel funny. It's a feeling that makes your stomach drop and your mouth taste like iron. On top of that, the rain is now beating down mercilessly. It all seems climactic in a way. Parking in front of Edd's house, I see his car in the driveway. To say I feel relieved is a bit of an understatement. Hopping back out into the downpour, I run up to the front door and am greeted by the familiar sight of Edd's shoes on the welcome mat. I sight makes me smile faintly. He only leaves his shoes on the front porch when he goes walking in the field behind the house. The backyard is gated but there is a huge wooded field that sits directly behind it. Turns out, the Vincent family owns that land too. As teens, Edd would walk back there to clear his head and would often sit by this huge old tree and watch the river that runs across the back of the property. I take off at a run toward that exact stream now. The saturated ground squishes under my shoes, the suction making me slip or get stuck a few times. "Edd," I yell. He doesn't answer. Over the rain, I know he can't hear me anyway, but I figure he should at least have some warning that I am coming. I call his name a few more times, and still get no answer. Soon I reach the river. It's completely full and extremely turbulent. I look around but still find no Edd. "Dammit," I curse. The huge tree is still there, so I figure maybe he's sitting next to it and ignoring me. I trudge through the rediculously fucking sticky mud toward the tree. It doesn't really provide much shelter from the rain under it's lithe branches, but I ook anyway and find that there is no Edd here either. Now I begin to get worried. Standing there, I rack my brain thinking about all the places he could be. Edd doesn't have very many friends that still live in Peach Creek, so he obviously isn't here. Thunder roars in the sky again, and this time is followed by lightning. I figure I'd better go inside and wait the rest of the storm out since it seems to be building. Running back up to the house, I take my shoes off at the door and lift the welcome mat. There, in the same place it had always been is the spare key.

I let myself in and head straight for the laundry room. "No use in keeping these muddy clothes on," I tell myself, so I throw them in the washer. On the shelf above the washer and dryer are extra towels, so I grab one and head upstairs to take a quick shower. Normally, I would wait until after the lightning is done, but with all this dirt on me, I can't rightfully sit down on anything because I know if Edd finds out, he'll have a conniption. Thinking about the sight, I chuckle to myself as I turne on the hot water. "Hopefully, he just comes back in a little while," I say to myself. Then I realize I still have no clue what to say to Edd when I find him. Some of things I said to him were pretty fucked up and I know a simple apology just wouldn't fix things between us. So, I decide I'll write him a letter. "Not a bad idea Kev," I reassure myself, "that way I can write down everything I just can't figure out how to say. Edd will more than likely still be pissed at me, but it's a start." Now I just have to figure out what the right words are. Towelling off, I run back downstairs and check on my clothes. The washer has stopped so I transfer them to the dryer. Then I step over into the kitchen. I remember that there is always a small notepad on the couner that Edd said was for writing grocery lists. I can't remember ever having seen him use it though so I hope it's still there. Cutting on the light, I see the notepad. Next to it is Edd's beanie. Over the years he has kept it in great condition and wears it when he goes out for a drive or was is laying around the house. He told me once, that it's comforting to him and always reminds him of where he came from. I pick it up and smell it. It doesn't smell like him anymore and instead smells like soaked cotton from the rain. He must have had it on when he came here. Next to the beanie, on the top page of the notepad is freshly written note. A nervous feeling blooms in the pit of my stomach and I can't bring myself to look at it. I'm not sure if he's gong to tell me to fuck off forever or just say to give him some time so we can talk. More than anything, I hope for the latter. I pick up the notepad and read.

DEAR KEVIN,  
I AM SO SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TONIGHT. I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I HAVE NEVER LOVED ANYONE THE WAY I LOVED YOU AND WILL NEVER LOVE ANYONE THAT WAY AGAIN. IT KILLS ME TO THINK THAT YOU COULD HAVE HELD THAT MUCH RESENTMENT TOWARDS ME. DO NOT FRET, FOR I WILL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN, I HAVE MADE SURE OF IT. A LOVE LIKE OURS WOULD BRING ANYONE IMMENSE JOY. YOU'LL FIND ME WHEN THE WATER RECEDES. ALWAYS AND FOREVER YOURS,  
EDDWARD 


End file.
